The first week that I began logging my progress on this journey, I hit a little 'hurdle' in that I got sick. The second week, several stumbling blocks created more setbacks, including: being exposed to an herbicide that was sprayed next to my home; going out Friday morning, getting in my car, turning the key only to be met with high-pitched ringing, because my car battery got drained by my hatchback being open slightly; and, my own bad food choices.
This led me to do some thinking and meditating and researching on what these 'things' are; how can I define these little incidents that curtail my plans? Are they really hurdles? According to Merriam Webster online dictionary, a hurdle was a "frame or sled formerly used in England for dragging traitors to execution"! (Merriam Webster online dictionary: hurdle) I can clarify, I have not had to contend with that kind of hurdle. I thought about it, and conceded that my problems were more like 'stumbling blocks.'
According to Merriam Webster online dictionary, a stumbling block is either an obstacle to progress, or an impediment to belief or understanding. (stumbling block) Additionally, the Merriam Webster Learner's Dictionary, for those learning English, which I include here because of its profound appropriateness, defines a stumbling block as "something that stops you from doing what you want to do." (Merriam Webster Learners Dictionary, stumbling block) I concede that all of these incidences are indeed stumbling blocks. I don't know why they happen, I only know that they do.
As I wrote this, I realized it had been almost a week since my car battery died. I had not gone for a walk all week. This is integral to my overall plan, because exercise equals health, in my opinion. What is really astounding is that all I had to do was pick up the phone and call the Canadian Auto Association (CAA)! It would have taken an hour at the very most. But I didn't do it until I realized that I had an appointment that was important, and I needed the car to get there. Then I got the car going. Lucky I have that appointment, or I might have let the car sit out there for the entire week or longer! I may have a problem with procrastination. No, I DO have a problem with procrastination.
The other part of the hurdle definition, is that it is an artificial barrier over which racers must leap. (Merriam Webster, hurdle) Because I have CAA, and because it only required a phone call, I believe the car dying was indeed just a hurdle I could have easily overcome -- had I not been crippled by procrastination The other setback, the herbicide spraying for weeds I tackled head on. I got the phone number from the side of the truck, I called, I spoke to someone, I asked what they were spraying and what it was for, I got answers, I recognized that the spray was not toxic and that it was going to be okay, BUT the incident STILL acted like a stumbling block instead of a hurdle I could easily jump over, because I subconsciously - I think - stayed home with the windows closed, just in case.
(To be fair, I have had fairly horrific reactions to herbicides and pesticides in the past. This picture is an example.)
All that being said, I did accomplish lots while being stuck at home, even if I didn't go for any walks. I cleaned up the yard the day before they sprayed. At least the birds enjoyed it, because I got the bird bath all cleaned up. Also, I was starting to feel pretty good with walking and stuff, but then, as one does, I got McDonald's for dinner. This is a tradition in our family. It is something we do as a kind of salve/reward. 'You survived! Good for you. Have something unhealthy to celebrate.' Kind of like that. When my daughter was little, going to McDonald's was one of the only 'treats' we had. There was a ball pit, climbing structure, and all the other kids from our apartment complex went too. We made a day of it and it was fun, social, and awesome. Not so anymore. McDonald's is literally across the street and with Covid we have it delivered. Not quite the same. But it feels like a reward, nonetheless.
This third week of my journey (read about my journey here: https://www.aboutfaithblog.com/post/the-beginning-of-a-journey-requires-some-ceremony) involves an impromptu heat wave in May, which is very very rare in Canada. We can barely move it is so hot here. I'm not complaining -- but this was my wall. I was watching a documentary last week on our local public television station, that explained "the wall" analogy I utilized in another of my posts. I will include the link here: https://www.aboutfaithblog.com/post/first-hurdle-reached. Apparently, "the wall" is an actual physical reaction that your body procures.
"That's when the body's natural glucose reserves are totally dried up. The gas tank is empty. A fog settles in, focusing becomes increasingly difficult. Some runners get cramps, and others just can't continue the race...unless they refuel...The trick is to refuel before you run out of gas." (Human: The World Within, Season 1, Episode 3.)
The problem for me, I think, is that I am chronically out of gas. There is no way to fill my tank. My daughter is 25 years old now and I (we) have not had a vacation in all that time. No time off--except when I had thyroid cancer--I am not kidding. Every small setback or upset seems insurmountable and I just want to quit and go back to doing what I always do--what feels natural--what feels safe, what seems right--like eating McDonald's or watching tv. I NEED TO CHANGE MY LIFE! Somehow, I need to refuel.
According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, fuel was a verb at one time, and originally was used "in a spiritual sense." (Online Etymology Dictionary, refuel) I need spiritual fuel. I need to refuel with the spirit. The spirit of my hopes and dreams, perhaps. When something goes wrong, I need to remember that the things I am shooting for are worth the effort, and the little setbacks that seem to be insurmountable hurdles, are really only stepping stones to get me where I want to be. I'm in a race, and I'm going to keep doing this until I finish. It will not be easy, but at the end will be my goals. My dreams. I may stumble along the way, or alter my course to accommodate those hurdles and stumbling blocks, but that doesn't mean that I won't finish the race.
Each setback and hurdle and stumbling block just makes me stronger. When I overcome it, I will learn that I am capable. When I achieve it, I will learn that it is possible. That's what I'm going to do. It's what I have to do. I guess it's what we all have to do.
Don't give up!
Faith
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